Sidewalk Bandits | Dark Comedy Bit


I don’t get why people walk side-by-side on sidewalks.


The other day I saw this couple, a man and a woman, and they were quickly approaching me. I thought they would walk single file, but they just continued to hold hands and not even budge an inch! I literally had to walk into a bush to avoid getting knocked over. Is there no sidewalk etiquette? You need to give oncoming pedestrians a share of the sidewalk!

So this really angered me, and I never get angry. I decided to follow these sidewalk fiends a few blocks to see if it was a one-off situation, until the craziest thing happened.

I saw an old man with a cane up ahead. I thought surely room would be made for a senior citizen. Well, the two sidewalk aholes continued along their merry way, shimmying the old man onto the road!

You’ll never guess what happened next.

A grey Chevy Suburban, big honking truck, was barrelling along just a few moments before the old-timer was ushered off the sidewalk. There was no time for the Chevy driver to steer out of the way, so he sped up and NAILED the old man pow! Old man goes flying in the air like Tony Hawk doing a 900 and drops face first into the concrete.

Chunks of the old man’s brain go flying directly into the faces of the sidewalk bandits. Cane drops like an arrow, impaling one of the bandits in the head – instant fatality.

So I walked away feeling good that it wasn’t just me they were being rude to.

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