Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.
Here is what took me 27 years to realize about love – it is a powerful emotion and only happens organically. Being happy or glum are emotions we realize daily, but love is much less common. Unlike those other emotions, you can’t force love. There needs to be a spark, a mutual connection between two species, that’s a fact. It’s why we spend hours upon hours hoping to find the one – love is scarce and I am here to help you uncover it for yourself.
I am an average guy – skinny, nerdy, starting to go bald – yet I found someone attractive to share my life with. I guarantee you will find value from what I am about to share with you. I am happy to guide you with practical steps to find your perfect match in no time at all.
First off, there is only one thing that matters in this entire post.
You are a confident, strong human being.
I don’t want this to sound like an AA meeting, but you needed to hear that from me. You’re reading this eBook because you don’t think you have what it takes to find that special someone. Guess what: I think know you do.
Here’s what we’re going to spend the first day or two doing in this 30-day journey. You’re going to stop reading this article right now, and you’re going to grab a haircut, your favourite meal, your favourite TV show, or any of your favourite self-indulgent things that make you feel good and do them. Just really capture what it feels like to be doing these things. There’s that positive sense of being in your zone, your stress-free zone. Nothing is getting in your way. You are living in the moment and it radiates off your body and mind.
This is the state I want you to be in while we pursue your dating adventures together.
I now want to be around you as a human being. You’re relaxed, you’ve done something you enjoy, you have an air about you that’s positive and infectious, and that’s attractive to anyone around you. Self-confidence is the single most effective way to land your love in 30 days. Without it, we’re stuck with day 1. I’ve met homeless people and I’ve met rich people in the course of my life – those who had the confidence to know what they wanted, 9 times out of 10 attracted the right life situations.
If you’re unsure of how to improve your confidence, I want you to try something uncomfortable experientially (i.e., an activity you’ve always wanted to try but were too fearful). This activity will push you to be better and more confident in your life. For me, I decided to complete a triathlon – your activity doesn’t have to be extreme like that, as even a phone call to a friend can get you kickstarted. If you don’t have friends, call up a family member, coworker or teacher and just chat randomly. Nowadays making a phone call is uncomfortable yet highly motivating for that social infusion.
How to find people?
Interesting question, because people are now tucked away in their houses, unseen from the public eye. I drive around on a Saturday night and the traffic seems to be calmer these days. Our human social habits have changed, so let’s get into how you find and meet with people.
These are the seven critical hotspots you need to learn about. Online is likely to be your greatest tool, but definitely only a piece to the puzzle. If you do not frequent these hotspots, it’s time to choose one spot and get acquainted. You will dramatically increase your social interactions by exposing yourself to the world (and not in the way you were thinking :P).
Grab a friend or stranger and go to observe – if it’s online, we’ll talk about some of the dating apps you can check out and explore later. The key is to get comfortable with the location and surroundings, not with the intent to find someone right away.
Just a note on the club / bar scene. Socially, it may be a challenge to get comfortable if you’re an introvert like me. Please check it out though, you might have fun with friends there like I did countless times.
Once you’re comfortable with the surroundings after a few days of exploration, let’s start building your presence.
Let’s talk about the online world, as that’s where we are primarily headed from a social perspective.
Dating applications like Tinder or PlentyOfFish are all run on the premise of connecting strangers via matchmaking algorithms and messaging tools. I’ve experimented with several but will focus on Tinder for this guide. It’s the quickest way to start meeting people, and you will find that my insights can translate to the other platforms as well.
Going on a Tinder date for the first time, I didn’t know what to expect. Leading up to and including the date, I discovered some tips that I think will make you successful in your dating endeavours.
Let’s review your photo and bio. Are they appealing? Do I want to learn more? Would you seem like someone I should spend my time with? If you can answer these with an enthusiastic “yes”, then great, you’ve learned about self-confidence from the earlier section and you’re demonstrating it with your content.
If you look unhappy or your bio is incomprehensible, change it now. A simple, unfiltered photo of you smiling will do wonders for positive attraction compared to a Snapchat filter on top of a depressed person.
In the bios, talk about your interests – prospects will look for common ground in order to start chatting with you.
For location / age settings, don’t be picky (within reason). We just want to cast a wide net and let the conversations dictate chemistry.
For the gals using the app, you should be selective in who you connect with, just for safety. It is a mysterious online world after all. You will likely spend more time reviewing profiles before swiping right (Liking the person), which I really admire about women.
For the guys, every girl receives a right-swipe, even if you think they’re unattractive from the photos. I do not base my decision on appearance, but rather on the quality of the subsequent text conversation. The logic here is that guys should not be shallow and give every gal a chance. Plus it’s silly to skip potential opportunities as a guy.
Use the Free plan
Some of my friends have splurged on monthly plans to avoid limitations, but Tinder, like all dating apps, is a tool and should never consume your life. Stick to the Free plan to keep your time management in check. I am a strong advocate against app addiction, and Tinder can take some time to find sparks. You have enough in the Free plan to get where you need to go.
There will be moments of silence, a lack of matches for weeks, or men/women ghosting you. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you, your approach, or the opposite sex. If there is a spark, it will appear organically and should never feel forced.
If, however, you are approaching text conversations with foul language or improper communication etiquette, then you are setting yourself up for failure more often than not. It doesn’t hurt to try re-connecting weeks later with a “How was your weekend?” Sometimes those who persist after a first try, without coming off too desperate, can be successful.
Approach dating like Sales, Marketing and Customer Service
There are prospects of women in the ocean. You are marketing yourself to them. You have a pipeline of dates in the works. Your end objective is to close the deal with a date – and potentially a long-term relationship. In that relationship, your aim should be to provide fantastic experiences every time. If your mindset is to hookup (which I find to be unfulfilling in the long-term), you should still approach the game like a fun business project.
One of the best things I can recommend is to be yourself around your dates. Acknowledge going in that some women will not connect with you and vice versa. Do not settle if the connection is not there – move on until you find someone who agrees with who you are. You should have options to keep you from dwelling on one bad situation. Even if you are optionless, don’t stick yourself into a toxic relationship due to desperation.
Tell your friends and coworkers that you’re dating. You need to understand that dating is socially acceptable and there is no need to feel embarrassed about it, regardless of your age or dating history. You’ll find a lot of helpful tips from those who’ve experienced dating, and potentially referrals from friends. I am open about using Tinder, when ten years ago, society would have frowned upon it.
Be open to experiencing new things as you date. Say yes if you haven’t tried something, it shows your willingness to grow and opens up endless dating scenarios, and that’s attractive.
Keeping it simple
Take your date to the coffee shop for the intro, but don’t go overboard on the length of time in case it becomes stale. End with the scheduled next date or a goodbye wave if it’s the last time you’ll see them. Again, don’t over-complicate things by overthinking on the incompatibility factor – it happens, learn and move on.
Follow-ups / Referrals
How did this date go? What can I do to improve? Would you recommend three friends who would be interested in dating as well? Kidding on the last one, it’s not a total business pipeline! Definitely be communicative by following up and gaining feedback, it’s a great way to figure out how to improve your next experiences.
In my world of dating, I have one objective, and it’s not sex (shocking, I know). My objective is to provide a fantastic experience for my date every time. It can be simple, inexpensive and short, like an outdoor experience or quality 1-on-1 time. I’ve learned that the little things can satisfy any heart. If there’s love, satisfaction and providing quality experiences should be effortless. For everyone I run into, that’s what I care about most to ensure long-term relationships.