Shyness and Girls

Here is how I overcame my shyness with girls (A.K.A. women). I hope some of these personal stories will help you out on your journey through socially awkward behaviors.

I got to know women as human beings.

I always thought they were on a magical pedestal, untouchable and unattainable. The first time I decided to ask a girl out, I was shaking, sweating and extremely uncomfortable with the objective. She was a co-worker in a retail store and we were both care-free teens.

At least she was.

I couldn’t really talk, so I gave her a pad of sticky notes and a pen while proceeding to utter a weak attempt at a date request:

“Um, uh, hi, will you go out with me? Here’s a pen and sticky notes for cell number.”

The date was a complete failure and I never asked anyone out again for a few more years. I blame myself for not trying. You have to get back on the horse when you fall.

Looking back, I realized that women are just human beings. They won’t bite you much and they might hurt you a little (emotionally), but they are all genuinely nice people and worth getting to know. Working with 90% women in all of my jobs has helped tremendously with getting to know them.

I talked with female co-workers daily.

Lunchroom, meetings, water cooler, you name it. I would be in constant conversations with women every day. I would force myself to take my lunch to the lunchroom and sit with a crowd of women, even when I just wanted to isolate myself at my desk.

Sometimes I would sit with the attractive women, sometimes the unattractive women. I got over the judgment and just treated them all like people. People I’d want to learn from.

I went on many dates.

Fast-forward a few more years and I started to use the innovation that was online dating. I immaturely immersed myself in the dating world by just having fun with the opposite sex.

Then I found my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend). We went on two years of dates together. She single-handedly made me comfortable with women, at least on a beginner’s level. Sometimes all you need is that one girl to help you overcome obstacles and become more confident.

After we broke up, I knew I still had work to do, emotionally and physically.

I got into hobbies.

Swimming, running, cycling, drawing, writing. Girls love a man with hobbies.

You start to passionately talk about these hobbies with the opposite sex. You become as attractive as a Spaniard moving his body on the dance floor. They find it appealing that a man finally does more than Netflix and chill.

If you can figure out how to cook or dance, you’ve won yourself some major brownie points. Even the effort of trying new hobbies is attractive. Your willingness to be vulnerable puts women at ease.

Find a hobby right now if you don’t have one. Even if it’s walking around the block, that’s more interesting than eating Twinkies off your chest.

I focused on my strengths, pressure-free.

It just makes me more anxious, knowing that I have to talk to one cashier per day because my therapist will get angry with me otherwise.

No. Stop. Don’t put that pressure on yourself.

Focus on your strengths. If you have to use dating apps, use dating apps. If you have to avoid large group conversations because it’s overwhelming, avoid them.

It’s more than okay to be introverted these days. In fact, a lot of women find it refreshing.

Focus on your communication strengths and ignore the rest. You will take a big weight off your shoulders.

I got older.

Sometimes experience comes with age. If you’re young and reading this, you might need ten more years of social awkwardness under your belt before you can walk like a man. I know I did.

Hopefully my journey inspired you to be a little easier on yourself. Best of luck!

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