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Chapter 11 of the One Life Manifesto: Choice.

Let’s talk about choice and the power of choice. It’s the 21st century and there are twelve different types of eggs in my local grocery store, ranging from free range to organic, to all the different types of grooming methods – how they raise chickens, how the eggs are separated. Remember ten years ago, there was just one egg that you could choose from. It wasn’t so complicated.

This is one example of many of how choices are really overtaking our lives. We are paralyzed by the amount of choices and we struggle to make decisions because of it. We don’t know if the choice we end up making is the right one. In psychology we call it cognitive dissonance theory. It’s buyer’s remorse for having made a decision. Our end state after making a choice.

We beat ourselves up constantly over the choices we make, and it’s not going to get any easier. Now we try to figure out which social media platforms to invest our time in and we struggle to choose between one and the other. Then news influences our choices. We go back and forth between television channels, so the dilemma of choice becomes a chronic epidemic. We have plenty of people who are paralyzed, incapable of making decisions today.

Can you imagine what Presidents and world leaders have to go through today as there are more choices and decisions to be made? The demands are greater. The stresses in our lives are much greater as the choices have increased in number and complexity. And how do you overcome this paralysis of choice? How do we battle through this? It’s not an easy answer. We have to be diligent. We have to say: that is the one. I am going to own this decision. Decision is a choice and I am sticking to it. You have to accept your feelings of regret or remorse. You have to know that there is no right or wrong in choice. The act of making one is an appropriate decision.

Kids don’t go to university because of how many programs are in school. They are paralyzed by choice. They do not know which course to go with. Even after a decision, they are still uncertain. Are they on the right path? Is this the right path for me? They are just uncertain.

Choice is this very difficult workload for one’s plate. Most will try to pass it off to someone else and say: you handle this. There are few leaders today because nobody wants to own the vision. Even the leaders today may be uncomfortable with decisions because they are alone to make those decisions. I will say that making a choice is the right decision. Moving on and making more decisions, getting more diligent, getting more comfortable with making choices is an excellent approach. Getting used to making mistakes is healthy. The after-effects are good for you to get used to.

Get comfortable in making decisions whether they are right or wrong. Just getting used to it so that decision-making is a quicker effort will take up less stress in your day. Some choices are very easy and yet we still dwell. Should I work or should I take it easy today? If you want to make a difference, do the work. You have to examine your thoughts. Don’t let your thoughts get in the way of your choices.

Peer influence affects your choices. The news affects your choices. All these stakeholders now affect your decision making and your choices. Your decisions are ever more complex. Sometimes you need to be free of these stakeholders and say: it is my sole decision to make.

I remember the purchase of my second car. It was the largest purchase of my life at the time. At the time I felt it was the best purchase I had ever made. I had the opinions of five or six other people as to what to buy based on their experiences. I struggled to make a decision because of the abundance of feedback. Some of it I really appreciated, then I realized at some point that an abundance of information can be too much.

How much feedback is too much? We dwell on the reviews of others. We sit on Amazon, looking at reviews, just reading over and over again. Yet picking the pros and cons of a particular device or book can put us in a state of analysis paralysis. Too much information at our fingertips makes it more difficult than ever before to make any purchase and a firm decision.

Regret. The more you think about it the more you fill yourself with regret. The more you feel like you are off track and need to pivot to change your decision. Then you go back and forth and waiver on your choice. You show that you are indecisive and that’s not an attractive trait. Not a professional or appropriate trait to have. It’s not a way to lead a healthy life, as it breaks you down.

Even the decision of what clothes to wear in the morning can affect your psyche. The amount of choices you have in your wardrobe will always make you wonder what outfit to wear. Then it’s: which restaurant to go to. What food to make.

What happened for me is that I have reduced my clutter and reduced the amounts of decisions that I make in a day by getting rid of unnecessary stuff. By removing the barriers to decision making.

So now I only have a few decisions today. Those decisions are critical. I do not think about the minutiae. I don’t think much about what I wear. I don’t think about what I eat. These are trivial decisions. Business decisions are more important and I spend more time on that. I have gotten better because I select which choices are needed to be made and then I remove any other choices which are unnecessary.

That is one strategy to cope with choice dilemma: remove choices. Is this choice easy to make? Is this really important? Is it really something which is going to impact your life? Is it really something that you have to live with? Is it really that critical? More often the choices are too trivial to make them at all. We can just remove these choices altogether. Do you really need that new dress? Do you really need that new pair of jeans? Do you really need a new car? Do you really need to eat out?

It is unlikely you have taken the necessary preparations. Get your top quality clothes in your wardrobe easily accessible. Take away all your crummy clothes. They are no longer needed. Then your self-esteem improves because you are always looking at your best clothes. You will never feel like getting a new pair of this or that. Because you have your best clothes front and center, clothes that will likely serve you for years.

We choose to consume what we don’t need to consume. You have to process the need of buying things. Going on Amazon, do you need that book? Do you need that piece of electronics? It’s unlikely that you do. You should be content with what you have. Be content with the life that you are having. Be content with the people in your life. They are the ones that enrich your life, not the choices on physical products and choices on trivial decisions. Reduce the amount of choices.

Perhaps the main choices that you make, you have deep thoughts about. That is okay if they are important. You can devote the time to make the decision. You will get better in making tough choices. That is important as you get better at eliminating trivial choices. You get better at tuning out the noise. You get focused on the choices that matter.

Apple

Chapter 10 of the One Life Manifesto: Jealousy.

Let’s talk about jealousy. As we are exposed to so much of the modern news, we can’t help but feel jealous or envious of others and their successes. We envy their attractive appearances and their popularity. We get jealous of what other people have. It is a form of insecurity and a lack of self-awareness when we feel uncomfortable about what we don’t have. We look at what others do and let it affect us negatively.

Jealousy is certainly a very unattractive trait. The opposite sex will look at that and say: this person isn’t comfortable with who they are. This person is untrustworthy and insecure. They are heavy thinkers and continually examine what others are doing. They are not focused on their own lives. They are not focused on improving their own lives. It certainly raises a red flag.

Sometimes jealousy is comes up when you feel there is cause for it. You know there is something happening in the relationship and a person has stopped spending time with you. Maybe they are cheating on you or you know that this is actually the case. But if that is the case, you should not be jealous. You should be up-front, communicative and honest. Say: hey! This is what I have witnessed and this must stop or this must end. But if you build up these emotions internally, it will manifest itself and it will ruin you. That is where proper communication is important or the ability to forget and move on and live your life. Being able to ignore those irrational thoughts. Jealousy is irrational.

We are human beings and being irrational is a natural occurrence. It’s important to overcome your jealousy by examining your thoughts and really taking a step back and saying: is this an appropriate thought? Is it necessary that I pull up these thoughts internally or should I be 100% open and honest and speak these thoughts aloud to whoever the jealousy is directed to?

My situation is that I like looking at successful people. I look at people who have success and I don’t really feel the jealousy. I know that others would perhaps feel like they wish they could be those successful people. They are angry at the thought that this person has what they do not. I can see that feeling build up in people.

For me, I may have started off like that. I like to be very competitive and sometimes I compare myself to others. Throughout university you may start feeling like you are competing with others as well. That’s a dangerous road to go down. It wasn’t until after school that I had gone into the work world and realized I needed to follow my own path. I am not competing with anyone but myself. I started to focus on just what I was doing and not look at somebody else’s success with jealousy. Instead I started looking at it with admiration, saying to myself that I could learn something from that person. They have experienced something that I have not and I should talk to that person and really figure out what I can do to get to their level.

Another area that comes up for jealousy, which is very common today, is dating and relationships. I had a more difficult time overcoming jealousy in this particular situation. I really live inside my head with my thoughts. If I see something that is out of the blue, I have a tendency to start losing trust. If the girlfriend goes out with a bunch of her friends and I don’t find out until after, I wonder why an invitation for me never came up. Maybe you feel excluded sometimes too. Then you wonder why it is that you were an afterthought, why it is that it wasn’t communicated to you. Then you wonder if the trust is there. Then you start wondering if something is happening behind the scenes. But the thing is, as a man, you can never say aloud that you think they are cheating. It’s important to realize that your thoughts are irrational and unjustified.

However, communication is important. Perhaps opening the dialogue at the get-go is important, to communicate your feelings. Find out why it is that the opposite sex is not including you. Ask casually, don’t make it a big deal. Learn why they are doing something that creates these emotions. Having that dialogue is important. Yet it can be uncomfortable because you are not looking to pinpoint or blame anyone. You are looking to build trust. You are looking to find out how to be as loving as you can and truly be in love. If you feel like there is an insecure issue happening, then it’s important to bring it up and not let it manifest into these negative emotions.

Sometimes the relationship is just not the right one. You must take a step back and say: hey, there should be 100% attention in the relationship, not attention on other playful pursuits. But it really depends on your level of trust towards that person. Whether they really truly love you and even if they say they do, you must believe it. And it’s absolutely a slippery slope when you form thoughts of jealousy.

My recommendation is to speak out your thoughts to the important parties. Let them know that they are involved in your feelings of jealousy. Find the truth. Then you must erase the bad thoughts from your mind. You must get out and enjoy the world. Do not let others dictate your emotions when you are feeling sad about something. It is your task to make the effort and get out of your head. Getting out of your head is critical.

If you are introverted, it might be a bit of a challenge to get out of your thoughts. Feelings of jealousy really manifest themselves in introverts. It is a tough feeling to control unless you are really confident in yourself and in who you are and what you deliver.

Love is one of those powerful emotions that can pull at your heartstrings and create a range of feelings. Even when you think you are secure, feelings of insecurity pop up. It’s human nature. You can only combat the feeling by really distracting yourself. By taking yourself out of the thoughts or by bringing up the thoughts. Bring up every thought. Don’t let it fester because that is damaging to your relationship if you just let it sit and stew inside your head. You just need to do that. Cleansing your mind is critical to get rid of the jealousy.

That’s how you can build trust and keep the dialogue open. Don’t think about competition. Think about improving yourself when it comes to thoughts of jealousy. It’s critical to work on yourself and focus on your life. Don’t get wrapped up in the lives of others and their accomplishments. They will continue living regardless of what you think. They will continue enjoying life. You may as well enjoy yours too. Don’t let jealousy slow you down. Don’t let it affect your vision. Don’t let it affect your ability to communicate, your ability to interact, your ability to have a relationship. Don’t let that become an insecurity. Move on from it by addressing it head-on. Jealousy is no feeling to have.

Apple

Chapter 9 of the One Life Manifesto: Sleep.

I want to talk about waking up as a morning ritual. Even before breakfast, waking up is the most important process to start off your day. I’ve seen many people struggle with getting up early and tackling the day. Part of it is not having something to wake up to. We need some sort of a burning desire. Your 9-to-5 job isn’t getting you excited enough to wake you up early. As the job starts at nine, what are you doing between the hours of 5 am to 9 am? You have four hours before you start your job! What are you doing in those hours? Likely sleeping in as long as you can.

You can accomplish quite a bit with just an extra hour per day. Its translated to 365 hours in a year. That is a significant amount of time with just one additional hour per day. When you think about it that way, it would be beneficial to have a structure where you go to sleep and you wake up as consistently as possible, at the same times, without sleeping in.

How much extra time you have is free time. If you can eliminate the chaos in a day, you will have more free time and the flexibility to get things done without stress. The flexibility to get things done that you want to get done. If you wake within a reasonable time, you will have more free time. Then you can get even more done, and be more productive. If you take that free time and use some of it for a new exercise routine, you will be even more energized throughout the day compared to if you had slept in.

There is the concept of night owls and early birds. I feel that night owls are night owls because they have chosen to stay up late and they have chosen to sleep in. However, if one day you decide to go to bed at 9pm and just go to sleep at 9pm, you will wake up early, naturally, without any alarm clock. You are unlikely to sleep in to the same number of hours. You only need 6 hours in a day and your body can adjust to that.

When we went to school for years, our classes were in the morning at 8am sharp. We had to be there early. We had to be up early. So as children we learned to wake up and handle that endeavour. We had no choice. We had to get up. We were forced to get up. Hence the reason why in our later years we don’t perhaps enjoy waking up early.

Our childhood days had structured wake up times and maybe that was annoying for you. But there is a way to really make it enjoyable again. To make waking up enjoyable, you just have to get passionate about something and focus on the benefits. Focus on the opportunities of having those extra hours. Another tip is to feel exhausted by the end of the day. If you are exhausted by 9 o’clock or 10 o’clock, you will just fall asleep automatically. The minute you hit your bed you will be so exhausted because you worked hard for that day. You will just fall asleep and have a quality rest.

Having several alarm clocks around the house is another way to wake yourself up in the morning. By the time you shut off all of the alarm clocks in the morning, you will be wide awake. The process of turning everything off wakes you up, whether you like it or not.

Once you get up and once you make your bed, you will be less likely to go back and crawl in. You worked hard to make that bed. That’s a great way to start your day.

I find that some people don’t even need alarm clocks. They wake up because their sleep hours are so structured that they are in bed by 10. They are up by 5 or 6. Their body is just naturally awake. They need no stimulus to wake them up. This requires supreme discipline to be in bed at a specific time. Most people may be at a party, or their family keeps them up. It could be worthwhile to have a set sleep schedule for one or two months to experiment with your sleep.

Over one month I tested the concept of waking up at 3:30am each morning. I would be in bed by 9:30pm every night. I would get six hours of sleep every night. At first it was challenging to be up at 3:30. But then I became determined and said to myself that I have to work out first thing in the morning. I have to go and do this. I have to grind and just get motivated to be up at 3:30 to gain the benefits of being up before everyone else is. I need to get motivated for the vitality and the energy that I will receive. With a consistent schedule, you will never wake up groggy and without energy again. Tackle the day.

Waking up is the hardest part of your day and requires that desire to get after something. So, it’s so important that you have something that you can work on. It really wakes you up. If you have the structure that says: I have to be at this or I have to be at this destination at this specific time, then you will essentially have the urgency to be up. You are forced to be up, just like in childhood. If you don’t have a job and you are self-employed, you need to build urgency around whatever it is you are working on. Say: I have to be up for this. Because no one else is going to take my place and wake up for me.

I believe it is laziness that’s holding people back from waking up. Laziness that is preventing them from hitting that snooze button one more time. I think it’s a lack of determination, a lack of preparation for what’s ahead. A lack of interest in something. Laziness is not a trait, it’s a bad habit that can be changed. You can condition yourself so that you are not lazy. You can become hungry and wake up early to get you the satisfaction that you simply do not get from sleeping in. I can’t think of anyone that’s excited or proud to have slept in till 9 or 10am. I can’t think of anyone who is excited about that. Who is mentally happy about that? Who accepts that?
When everyone else is up, the world is already moving along. The last two or three hours you slept through have already put you behind. You are now psychologically thinking you are already behind. You are in a state of panic. Because the world moves and you stand still. That is not a great feeling to have.

However, it is possible for you to catch up if you are up at 5am, greeting the day because you know you will be ahead of the game. You will be ahead of everyone else. That is a great feeling. Psychologically you will have set yourself up for happiness today because of your early morning. By waking up early, you will command your world. That is a powerful feeling to have, to be in control of yourself. You are not guided by physiological responses to waking up early.

Sometimes it helps to make sure that your electronics are off. They are at a distance so that if some alert or notification comes in, it doesn’t disrupt your sleep. Because if your sleep is interrupted, that can affect your wake-up time. Your bedroom should be like a temple. A silent temple where you hear nothing and you are just deep in sleep.

Consider your opportunity in the day to be successful and your opportunity to make an impact. Consider what you can do with those additional hours. What you can accomplish. What you can work towards. People say they don’t have time. I always look at the time they spend in a day and see the things that don’t matter. Here is where you have time. Stop doing that activity. But when I find out people sleep in, that is the first way to gain some time.

I look at how people spend their evenings. If you stop watching TV, you are going to save yourself some serious time to get ahead in life. The concept of winding down doesn’t make sense to me as you should just go to sleep instead of watching TV. Sleep is your winding-down session. Hop in bed, fall asleep, done. You should be tired and exhausted, not winding down with TV. Pursuing an unproductive activity like TV will ruin you.

Next time you wake up, immerse yourself in your thoughts and how you feel at that moment. When you wake up, do you feel good for having slept in or do you feel regret or guilt? Do better by waking earlier next time. Most importantly, if you have a consistent sleep structure, you are more likely to feel better the next day. Get in bed at this time. Get out of bed at this time. That is your seven-days-a-week process. You will adjust, you will adapt to that schedule. You will feel like it is the only schedule to ensure that you have the most energy in a day.

Observe your sleep schedule. Is it erratic. Are you sleeping in one day? Are you up early the next? Your body does not like those fluctuations. Then you counter-balance the deprivation with caffeine. Yet caffeine is not good for you as a sleep alternative. It is only a short-term stimulant, then you are back to your original groggy state. Natural sleep is the way to go to avoid inhaling unnecessary stimulants.

Sleeping pills are a major industry. If people just properly had a schedule and exhausted themselves throughout the day, they’d fall asleep. Do mindful activities that really take all of your energy away. Take on challenging tasks. By the end of the day your brain will be naturally tired. You will just crash and sleep. No sleeping pills necessary. Work harder. Get more exhausted. Then you will have nothing left in you. Your sleep will be of much better quality. You will go into a deep sleep from the exhaustion. Your body will just require every ounce of sleep. When you wake up, you will be well-rested. You will be ready to go for the next day.

I am against napping throughout the day. I feel that when you nap, you are more likely to have a lower quality of sleep at night. You might be more restless at night. These long naps throughout the day are not the best use of time because you should have a full level of energy throughout the day if you are healthy. You should have a ton of energy to carry yourself throughout the day. Then if you nap, if you absolutely must have one, it should be no longer than 10 minutes. A quick napping dose to get that extra energy boost in you. Just enough for you to push forward. Not a 45-60 minute nap. That is extreme and unnecessary. I am not saying napping is a sign of laziness or weakness. Instead it’s more of a procrastinator.

You should be continuously motivated throughout the day to tackle a particular task. You do not need a nap to compensate. You should be continually motivated to tackle the day. Try getting into a habit of proper sleep. Six to eight hours. If you want to work harder, get six. See the benefits with the extra time you gain from a disciplined sleep schedule.