Trev

Apple

Chapter 12 of the One Life Manifesto: Learn.

Let’s talk about learning. The top people in the world read voraciously. They read a book a week and they are humble in their knowledge. They are always looking to learn more from others. They never claim to know the answers. How many books do you read per month? Per year? How many educational videos do you watch? How much do you learn from others?

While I talked about how education stops for many once they graduate, they should never stop learning. They shouldn’t be consuming useless news or content. Content that doesn’t help further their mind. There is one big question. The question is: what is it that you are learning? What is it that you are absorbing to help you grow? If you don’t learn, you become stagnant. Then if you become stagnant, you are actually regressing. Because everyone else is learning in front of you. They are getting ahead of you. The next generation is forming. They get older and they learn. You fall into the darkness. You become irrelevant. You disappear as you become irrelevant if you do not learn.

Learning is always evolving. The world is always changing. You need to stay on top of it to be at the top of your game. You need to never say that you are the “Expert”. Someone else will come along and know more than you. They will know something you do not. Let me say you can never be the expert, even if you feel entitled to think you know everything. You feel entitled like you are some special person. No, you are a learner. You must learn daily. It helps to be a student – a lifelong student and have mentors, friends, and coaches who can help guide you, whether it be face-to-face or online. You have a core group of people who you turn to, to help and guide you. Having that group of people to propel your success forward will keep you accountable. It’s very powerful to have.

You will make mistakes in your life. Your willingness to learn from your mistakes will help you grow greater than anything else. For one, you had the courage to make mistakes. You have the courage to fail and to accept failures. You have the willingness to learn from those mistakes and failures. That is going to help you grow beyond anything else. The practical real-life experience you have put yourself through is irreplaceable.

In schools, students lack real-life experiences. Years of classroom study and listening, but never applying anything in the real world. That’s how most college and university students are when they graduate. They have learned nothing of the practical world. I suppose you can call it the impractical because it’s impractical. In university they choose not to learn around what they cannot control.

In the real world you will experience obstacles outside of your control. It will be your job to learn and overcome obstacles when you make mistakes. You must be fully willing to apologize and learn and say you will be better. It is your job, no one else’s. You cannot change others. You must change yourself. You must improve yourself. And by continually learning you will. Acceptance that you are human, acceptance that you can make mistakes, acceptance that you are willing to make mistakes, is important.

For if you continue with these mistakes, you are not learning. You are just accepting your mediocrity. You must learn. You must move past your mediocrity. Otherwise you will never grow. You will never be able to provide more value than you currently do if you do not learn. The more you learn, the more experiences you experience. The more you can teach others. The more you can help others. The more you can really guide others and coach others. That brings value.

Your degree, your diploma, is a symbol of your educational prowess. Your ability to provide knowledge and value at the surface. It is your job to put that knowledge to use, to learn. The next step is up to you. Whether you say I do not enjoy university, I do not enjoy learning or I enjoyed it, you must continuously learn. Learn the topics you really care about and excel in that field. It’s up to you. I encourage you to learn.

Today you can now learn with audio, with imagery, with YouTube videos, with words and long posts on blogs. You have more information at your fingertips to learn the way that you learn best, as everyone learns different. I learn best with video.

When I have the ability to put my entire attention towards something, video will give me the most and quickest learning value. That is just myself. Everyone is different. You may enjoy words. You may connect with them. Your brain might connect well with words. Therefore you should be reading. Learning some kind of educational material is critical to your growth, to your improvement. Don’t waste your evenings and your mornings not learning. Those are your opportune moments to absorb material and become more knowledgeable. Switch your unproductive activities to learning activities to really excel and get ahead. Learning will solve your problems. Learning will solve your inadequacies.

If you don’t know how to be healthy, learn about diet and nutrition. Learn about exercise. Don’t know how to be in a relationship? Learn how to be a better boyfriend or girlfriend. Learn how to date. The resources out there are endless. Don’t know how to drive a car? Take lessons, learn. Don’t know what project to do? Do anything. Work on it, learn. Grab some wood. Chisel away.

Figure out what you would like to learn and do it as you now have the ability to. Take an online course and learn anything. Training programs, seminars, webinars, you name it. You could become a brilliant person in your pyjamas and never leave your house. Learning is your key to success. There is no shortcut. Continually work hard at learning. Educate yourself. Continuously improve. Learn.

Apple

Chapter 11 of the One Life Manifesto: Choice.

Let’s talk about choice and the power of choice. It’s the 21st century and there are twelve different types of eggs in my local grocery store, ranging from free range to organic, to all the different types of grooming methods – how they raise chickens, how the eggs are separated. Remember ten years ago, there was just one egg that you could choose from. It wasn’t so complicated.

This is one example of many of how choices are really overtaking our lives. We are paralyzed by the amount of choices and we struggle to make decisions because of it. We don’t know if the choice we end up making is the right one. In psychology we call it cognitive dissonance theory. It’s buyer’s remorse for having made a decision. Our end state after making a choice.

We beat ourselves up constantly over the choices we make, and it’s not going to get any easier. Now we try to figure out which social media platforms to invest our time in and we struggle to choose between one and the other. Then news influences our choices. We go back and forth between television channels, so the dilemma of choice becomes a chronic epidemic. We have plenty of people who are paralyzed, incapable of making decisions today.

Can you imagine what Presidents and world leaders have to go through today as there are more choices and decisions to be made? The demands are greater. The stresses in our lives are much greater as the choices have increased in number and complexity. And how do you overcome this paralysis of choice? How do we battle through this? It’s not an easy answer. We have to be diligent. We have to say: that is the one. I am going to own this decision. Decision is a choice and I am sticking to it. You have to accept your feelings of regret or remorse. You have to know that there is no right or wrong in choice. The act of making one is an appropriate decision.

Kids don’t go to university because of how many programs are in school. They are paralyzed by choice. They do not know which course to go with. Even after a decision, they are still uncertain. Are they on the right path? Is this the right path for me? They are just uncertain.

Choice is this very difficult workload for one’s plate. Most will try to pass it off to someone else and say: you handle this. There are few leaders today because nobody wants to own the vision. Even the leaders today may be uncomfortable with decisions because they are alone to make those decisions. I will say that making a choice is the right decision. Moving on and making more decisions, getting more diligent, getting more comfortable with making choices is an excellent approach. Getting used to making mistakes is healthy. The after-effects are good for you to get used to.

Get comfortable in making decisions whether they are right or wrong. Just getting used to it so that decision-making is a quicker effort will take up less stress in your day. Some choices are very easy and yet we still dwell. Should I work or should I take it easy today? If you want to make a difference, do the work. You have to examine your thoughts. Don’t let your thoughts get in the way of your choices.

Peer influence affects your choices. The news affects your choices. All these stakeholders now affect your decision making and your choices. Your decisions are ever more complex. Sometimes you need to be free of these stakeholders and say: it is my sole decision to make.

I remember the purchase of my second car. It was the largest purchase of my life at the time. At the time I felt it was the best purchase I had ever made. I had the opinions of five or six other people as to what to buy based on their experiences. I struggled to make a decision because of the abundance of feedback. Some of it I really appreciated, then I realized at some point that an abundance of information can be too much.

How much feedback is too much? We dwell on the reviews of others. We sit on Amazon, looking at reviews, just reading over and over again. Yet picking the pros and cons of a particular device or book can put us in a state of analysis paralysis. Too much information at our fingertips makes it more difficult than ever before to make any purchase and a firm decision.

Regret. The more you think about it the more you fill yourself with regret. The more you feel like you are off track and need to pivot to change your decision. Then you go back and forth and waiver on your choice. You show that you are indecisive and that’s not an attractive trait. Not a professional or appropriate trait to have. It’s not a way to lead a healthy life, as it breaks you down.

Even the decision of what clothes to wear in the morning can affect your psyche. The amount of choices you have in your wardrobe will always make you wonder what outfit to wear. Then it’s: which restaurant to go to. What food to make.

What happened for me is that I have reduced my clutter and reduced the amounts of decisions that I make in a day by getting rid of unnecessary stuff. By removing the barriers to decision making.

So now I only have a few decisions today. Those decisions are critical. I do not think about the minutiae. I don’t think much about what I wear. I don’t think about what I eat. These are trivial decisions. Business decisions are more important and I spend more time on that. I have gotten better because I select which choices are needed to be made and then I remove any other choices which are unnecessary.

That is one strategy to cope with choice dilemma: remove choices. Is this choice easy to make? Is this really important? Is it really something which is going to impact your life? Is it really something that you have to live with? Is it really that critical? More often the choices are too trivial to make them at all. We can just remove these choices altogether. Do you really need that new dress? Do you really need that new pair of jeans? Do you really need a new car? Do you really need to eat out?

It is unlikely you have taken the necessary preparations. Get your top quality clothes in your wardrobe easily accessible. Take away all your crummy clothes. They are no longer needed. Then your self-esteem improves because you are always looking at your best clothes. You will never feel like getting a new pair of this or that. Because you have your best clothes front and center, clothes that will likely serve you for years.

We choose to consume what we don’t need to consume. You have to process the need of buying things. Going on Amazon, do you need that book? Do you need that piece of electronics? It’s unlikely that you do. You should be content with what you have. Be content with the life that you are having. Be content with the people in your life. They are the ones that enrich your life, not the choices on physical products and choices on trivial decisions. Reduce the amount of choices.

Perhaps the main choices that you make, you have deep thoughts about. That is okay if they are important. You can devote the time to make the decision. You will get better in making tough choices. That is important as you get better at eliminating trivial choices. You get better at tuning out the noise. You get focused on the choices that matter.

Apple

Chapter 10 of the One Life Manifesto: Jealousy.

Let’s talk about jealousy. As we are exposed to so much of the modern news, we can’t help but feel jealous or envious of others and their successes. We envy their attractive appearances and their popularity. We get jealous of what other people have. It is a form of insecurity and a lack of self-awareness when we feel uncomfortable about what we don’t have. We look at what others do and let it affect us negatively.

Jealousy is certainly a very unattractive trait. The opposite sex will look at that and say: this person isn’t comfortable with who they are. This person is untrustworthy and insecure. They are heavy thinkers and continually examine what others are doing. They are not focused on their own lives. They are not focused on improving their own lives. It certainly raises a red flag.

Sometimes jealousy is comes up when you feel there is cause for it. You know there is something happening in the relationship and a person has stopped spending time with you. Maybe they are cheating on you or you know that this is actually the case. But if that is the case, you should not be jealous. You should be up-front, communicative and honest. Say: hey! This is what I have witnessed and this must stop or this must end. But if you build up these emotions internally, it will manifest itself and it will ruin you. That is where proper communication is important or the ability to forget and move on and live your life. Being able to ignore those irrational thoughts. Jealousy is irrational.

We are human beings and being irrational is a natural occurrence. It’s important to overcome your jealousy by examining your thoughts and really taking a step back and saying: is this an appropriate thought? Is it necessary that I pull up these thoughts internally or should I be 100% open and honest and speak these thoughts aloud to whoever the jealousy is directed to?

My situation is that I like looking at successful people. I look at people who have success and I don’t really feel the jealousy. I know that others would perhaps feel like they wish they could be those successful people. They are angry at the thought that this person has what they do not. I can see that feeling build up in people.

For me, I may have started off like that. I like to be very competitive and sometimes I compare myself to others. Throughout university you may start feeling like you are competing with others as well. That’s a dangerous road to go down. It wasn’t until after school that I had gone into the work world and realized I needed to follow my own path. I am not competing with anyone but myself. I started to focus on just what I was doing and not look at somebody else’s success with jealousy. Instead I started looking at it with admiration, saying to myself that I could learn something from that person. They have experienced something that I have not and I should talk to that person and really figure out what I can do to get to their level.

Another area that comes up for jealousy, which is very common today, is dating and relationships. I had a more difficult time overcoming jealousy in this particular situation. I really live inside my head with my thoughts. If I see something that is out of the blue, I have a tendency to start losing trust. If the girlfriend goes out with a bunch of her friends and I don’t find out until after, I wonder why an invitation for me never came up. Maybe you feel excluded sometimes too. Then you wonder why it is that you were an afterthought, why it is that it wasn’t communicated to you. Then you wonder if the trust is there. Then you start wondering if something is happening behind the scenes. But the thing is, as a man, you can never say aloud that you think they are cheating. It’s important to realize that your thoughts are irrational and unjustified.

However, communication is important. Perhaps opening the dialogue at the get-go is important, to communicate your feelings. Find out why it is that the opposite sex is not including you. Ask casually, don’t make it a big deal. Learn why they are doing something that creates these emotions. Having that dialogue is important. Yet it can be uncomfortable because you are not looking to pinpoint or blame anyone. You are looking to build trust. You are looking to find out how to be as loving as you can and truly be in love. If you feel like there is an insecure issue happening, then it’s important to bring it up and not let it manifest into these negative emotions.

Sometimes the relationship is just not the right one. You must take a step back and say: hey, there should be 100% attention in the relationship, not attention on other playful pursuits. But it really depends on your level of trust towards that person. Whether they really truly love you and even if they say they do, you must believe it. And it’s absolutely a slippery slope when you form thoughts of jealousy.

My recommendation is to speak out your thoughts to the important parties. Let them know that they are involved in your feelings of jealousy. Find the truth. Then you must erase the bad thoughts from your mind. You must get out and enjoy the world. Do not let others dictate your emotions when you are feeling sad about something. It is your task to make the effort and get out of your head. Getting out of your head is critical.

If you are introverted, it might be a bit of a challenge to get out of your thoughts. Feelings of jealousy really manifest themselves in introverts. It is a tough feeling to control unless you are really confident in yourself and in who you are and what you deliver.

Love is one of those powerful emotions that can pull at your heartstrings and create a range of feelings. Even when you think you are secure, feelings of insecurity pop up. It’s human nature. You can only combat the feeling by really distracting yourself. By taking yourself out of the thoughts or by bringing up the thoughts. Bring up every thought. Don’t let it fester because that is damaging to your relationship if you just let it sit and stew inside your head. You just need to do that. Cleansing your mind is critical to get rid of the jealousy.

That’s how you can build trust and keep the dialogue open. Don’t think about competition. Think about improving yourself when it comes to thoughts of jealousy. It’s critical to work on yourself and focus on your life. Don’t get wrapped up in the lives of others and their accomplishments. They will continue living regardless of what you think. They will continue enjoying life. You may as well enjoy yours too. Don’t let jealousy slow you down. Don’t let it affect your vision. Don’t let it affect your ability to communicate, your ability to interact, your ability to have a relationship. Don’t let that become an insecurity. Move on from it by addressing it head-on. Jealousy is no feeling to have.